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Sunday, September 03, 2006
Joy and I
Joy.
Where are you?
Here. Reach out for me.
I'm trying.
Too hard.
I'm too busy to have Joy.
I can't experience you now.
Let me sort out my life first.
Then I'll be able to have Joy.
There's too much pressure.
Too much sadness in this world.
Too many burdens.
How can I have Joy?
But Joy... wait... I need you.
I'll come to find you.
When?
I need you.
But I can't feel you.
You don't have to feel me.
Just know I'm here.
It'll be alright.
Everything's in my hands.
You can have me.
Just reach out for me.
I love you.
I will fill you with Joy.
I don't feel you.
But I know you are with me now.
Joy is the Lord's presence.
Jesus in me.
With me.
Always.
........................
Joy personified.
I'm not a poet, but I had the inspiration to write this tonight, after two years of struggling for Joy (or knowing that Joy was waiting for me). Sept 2004, my pastor's wife prophesied over me "The joy of the Lord will be your strength." At that point I didn't feel any joy. And I didn't know what to expect.
Although I've been a Christian for more than half my life, I don't think I've experienced that same quantity/length of Joy. I know I had the Joy when I first became a Christian. But what happened to it?
In our small group that I was leading last Friday night one of the things we were asking ourselves was which of the fruit of the Spirit do we want more of in our lives. A few people said patience, another said kindness, another said self-control. But I knew that I needed more joy in my life. So we prayed for each other and that was that.
Come Saturday we had one of our pastors from the Philippines visit us who prophesied over the church members. He didn't know what we talked about in our small group, but one of the first things he said was that "a new joy is coming upon me" and "the joy of the Lord will be my strength."
I often lack confidence, feel weak and unable to do many things. But I was encouraged that this joy will turn my weaknesses in to my strength.
Wow. It's always a confirmation of what is in my heart. And it's so encouraging.
Joy personified.
Knowing Jesus is with me wherever I go and in whatever I do :D
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Manila
Got back to HK two days ago from another 5 day trip, this time to Manila. No time difference this time, so no jetlag:) It did go just about as fast as the trip to LA, but we had an extremely fruitful time which made it all worth it. I'm supposed to be preparing songs for the Wednesday prayer meeting but really need to get some thoughts down before I forget!
...thank you to everyone in VCF who looked after us. i had a great time with those of you I saw!
...got to keep praying for my neighbours and relatives.
...got to spend more time soaking in God's presence.
...God is so good.
...the same yesterday, today and forever.
...our HK church is going to grow!!!
...thank you, God, for spiritual family.
Benaiah is saying Bye Bye a lot more these days. He often manages to say it at the right time as well, and it is SOOOOOO cute! The only thing that worries me a little is that sometimes it sounds like 'baah bai' (which in Cantonese doesn't translate that well...). At least he does the right hand motion with it... Hopefully people understand.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Book Update
I'm done with Captivating. Just started The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian (also one of the speakers at our conference in LA!). Really inspiring so far.
Also on the list to read:
1. The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian
2. The Complete Guide to High-Impact Youth Ministry - Revolution by Ron Luce (author of Battlecry for a Generation
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
L.A.
Last week must have been one of the fastest whirlwind trips in my life, apart from the time I left the UK for Japan a week after my wedding!
We took an evening flight on Monday from H.K. to L.A. via Taiwan, and arrived at pretty much the same time, same day, in L.A. That's weird, travelling so many hours, only to arrive at your destination without having lost any time.
Tuesday morning, conference day 1. The jet lag set in pretty soon, since all three of us didn't get much sleep that night. Familiar faces all around. Quick mental search to remember the names that belonged to them.
I can't even recall the exact things we did when and where, but here are a few memories and things I learned.
1. Denny's in the States serve great food!
2. Denny's in the States serve much much bigger portions than in Japan. (Sam and I couldn't even finish a regular coke between us).
3. People in the States are much bigger than I thought.
4. Down town buffet dinners serve quite nice food.
5. I don't know why most of my memories are about food.
6. God has helped me love the Americans.
7. It was lovely to take a walk with my family under the morning sun on the last day.
8. Sometimes 'set-backs' in life are actually 'set-ups' (by God) for something GREAT. Read the story of Joseph.
9. Interruptions are not always liked, but God's interruptions are always good.
- Moses in his profession
- Esther in her position
- Paul in his passion
10. There is something more important than life itself that we can hold on to, that will give us the passion to keep going.
11. I felt small at the conference (not only in size), but in the church plant we're doing in HK (there were over 1000 other church leaders and ptrs attending), but I was encouraged that we are part of something really great.
12. I was quite surprised to find myself feeling sad when we were flying out from HK, albeit for a few days.
That's it. For now.
We flew out from L.A. Friday afternoon and arrived back in H.K. just before midnight on Saturday. That's where the 'lost' time went! And we went straight to bed, so the jetlag was not bad at all coming back.
Well, I guess it's not super interesting to hear about getting jetlag, but a really exciting thing that happened this past week was that Benaiah started to take his first steps on his own!:) YAY!!!
Friday, June 30, 2006
Friends
One of the gifts from God. Friendship. Hadn't seen Sarah, like a number of people back in England, for more than two years, and so it was so great that we could touch base again. I guess even though I'm not able to visit the UK yet, it's been great having family and friends from the UK coming to/through HK this past half a year (like my Mum, my Grandma, Bert, Phan, Kiet, Hoi Fei and Simon), and each time it's so refreshing. Thank you, God.
Something I haven't had in a long time, just being able to hang out and not feel like I'm on a mission. It's funny how, Sarah and I spent most of our childhood together, and now we are women in our twenties. There's something special about long-time friends. After a brief but quality time in a packed Pacific Coffee, Sam and Neil joined us and we had dinner in a Japanese restaurant (I forgot the name!) where amongst the different conversations we reminisced about the time when the four of us rented a car and drove up to Scotland to visit Haru and Richard Lew. Those were fun times. After that we were back at the same but quieter Pacific Coffee and hung out more. Thanks guys for a fun evening.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge
This is a book about women, for women, but I also recommend it for guys to read. I'm almost only half way through, but I haven't read a book in a long time, and I'm making good progress considering my lack of time to be alone.
If you know the authours, you may be familiar with the husband who wrote Wild At Heart for the men. I was wondering why I had read the one for the guys before the one for the women, and then someone told me that the one for the women came out later.
I think my friend offered to lend Captivating to me a couple of months back, and it sounded interesting then, but I did think that maybe it's just another one of those nice books for women but won't really help me in the end. However, after hearing more and more good things about it, I decided to give it a go, and I got right in to it.
Perhaps it's all God's timing. One of the things it talks about is a Beauty Unveiled. So to coincide with reading the book, the same friend who lent it me has been helping me too with picking out some new clothes and a new bag. How do you know when you're no longer a girl, but a woman? Is it cos I'm approaching 30? No, I know a lot of teenagers even, who dress more sofisticated than I do. I'm not looking different to be someone else but someone who I was created to be.
I wore one of the new tops yesterday to church, and apart from the comments saying I looked really nice and it really suited me etc. one of the guys/musicians said, 'Wow, Esther, you look like a woman now!' Now, I guess you could take that the wrong way, but it was said honestly and I felt good about it.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Wet and Dry times
No this is not going to be a blog about nappies/diapers, but maybe, just maybe, one day it will come to that.
The weather these past couple of weeks has been very wet. Humid and wet. Rain almost everyday. However, it's been a dry season for me spiritually. I've been hanging on to God, but it's just felt ... dry. A bit like you're walking lower and lower in to the valley. I realised that I had a bout of homesickness, and it was building up these past two weeks. Just when I thought I had everything in control, I could manage, it would be no problem, I can stand this heat and surviving alone as it were... my little girl instinct says, 'I miss home'. Then comes the struggle, 'I can manage, but I can't... I can stick it out a bit longer, but I want to go home now... I'm gonna persevere, but I really need a break.
So the Word that came to me this morning spending time with God, was that I just need to come back to God and know that He has His best plan and time for me to go back to the UK. In the meanwhile, I just need to enjoy Him and enjoy life and everything He's given me here. My future is in His hands, and God is really the best one to commit your future to. Actually, it was quite timely that I read the story of Joseph these past two days, which always touches my heart how God was in control throughout Joseph's experiences of desperation and loneliness. And I'm going through nothing compared to what he went through! I have finally come to the point to say only if God wills, I will go.
To the Lord, my Father in heaven, my Refuge:
Psalm 13
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Quote for our week
"I've read the last page of the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right."
Billy Graham (The Leadership Secrets of Billy Graham)
It's been kind of a tough week... and this quote has been very timely and helpful. Praise God, there is light at the end of the tunnel! He's in control.
Embracing Motherhood
It's definitely a 'steep learning curve', as one of my long-time friends put it. On the rare occasion, Benaiah, like today, had a zonk-out session, and so he slept a pretty full two and a half hour nap this afternoon. This being, I was able to have some relaxing and meditative / reflective time with God on how my motherhood has been over the past thirteen some months.
Even as I'm typing now, I think I have realised that what I need to do is to fully embrace being the mother (and wife) God wants me to be. I think my struggle has been because as I see how other mums do it, I think about how I should be like that mum or this mum and be this way or that. But I've realised that it's no fun trying to be someone else! Funny, I know.
The Power in Testimonies
Our Pastor's wife in one of our small groups once shared with us ladies that there's no point trying to hide our problems and pretend that things are all going fine, otherwise it's difficult for people to relate to us and they would find it hard to reach up to our level, as it were. But sharing our problems and how God has helped us is a great testimony for everyone and it brings encouragement with the confidence that yes God can do that for me too.
I have one that happened yesterday. One of the young married ladies came to church not feeling very well from the day before. She had a fever and was tired. You get the picture. So as soon as she told me that, I laid hands on her and prayed for healing. At the end of the service she was better! She then asked me how I was and I told her I was actually feeling quite exhausted physically from three consecutive days of being out all three of the days. With a baby, it's a 'lorra lorra' labour. She prayed for my spirit to be refreshed as well as my body, and I definitely felt refreshed after the prayer. Praise God!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
I'm Back!
I figured it's really time that I started blogging again, although I'm sure that some readers would have stopped checking for a long while. Anyhow, it would be good for me to get my thoughts and reflections down and also keep those of you dedicated ones up to date with us, or me, atleast...
After weeks of praying about my schedule and other things, I've found that the key words here are 'constancy' and 'flexibility'. In other words, I have needed to have a regular timetable but also allow much space for changes. In the process of discovering this, I realised how much I like a routine, knowing what to expect and planning ahead. While routine is all good and can yield great things, on the other hand things that 'come up' or take us by surprise as it were are what sometimes help us to focus on the important. For example, the half miss typhoon meant that I couldn't go out. I didn't actually have any 'urgent' appointments for the past two days. However, physically, my body has been saying 'you need to rest'. After learning to 'soak' in God's presence Monday, I literally sat in the bathroom on the toilet seat yesterday with my head between my knees and prayed. Not only was this a good relaxation posture for my aching back, I could really rest in God's presence, albeit on a toilet seat. I thank God for times like those.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
The "wrong guy"
Well, after almost three months of absence, I thought I wouldn't write a long summary of what has been happening in our lives. Instead, I would like to ease back in to the world of blogging by introducing you to the "wrong guy" . I was in need of some humour today and this really made me laugh when I read about this story of a mix up at the BBC. However, on a more serious note, (maybe because I am constantly searching for illustrations) I have learnt from this funny episode that we truly need to know who we are otherwise we may become the laughing stock for other people to see ^-^.
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